lost and found

I went to lunch pretty bummed out about the money situation again with this internal struggle of what I will do and so on. Anyway funny thing happenedat lunch. It did not make my situation any better, but it did teach mesomething about myself.

I parked at the far end of the parking lot and I counted the money that Iwas going to deposit. I had the envelope ready so that I would make it as quickly as possible. I walked in to the building because it has indoor ATM’s. I stood by while the man in front of me inserted his card and went about his business. I saw him take the money from the machine put it in his pocket and walk away. As I approached the ATM. I realized that he had not closed out the transaction and his balance was visible. The ATM prompted me to give it further instructions. I thought he may have forgotten his card but then noticed it was the type of ATM where you insert and pull out thecard in one motion. So he was gone. There I was in front of the ATM with abalance of over $10,000 available. I’m a very fast thinker so almost immediately my mind went racing dreaming of everything I could buy and how things would be better, about taking Kalel to Disneyland about just plainly
being ok. I thought about how with so much money in the bank the $1,000(daily limit) I could have taken was nothing. I then thought about everyone in my life and what the implications of me actually taking this meant. I thought about how if even $10 were taken from my account it would cause such an impact in my life. Anyway long story short, I’m sure you can understand why I could not take any money from this "poor" man who was probably dealing with his own problem and therefore so absent minded. I closed out the transaction and thanked god for being behind that man because I’m sure I saved someone a lot of heartache and at the same time I feel as if I found a little bit of the soul I thought I left so far away in the desert.

warning

Consider yourself warned. I expect this blog to be an outlet for the discontent and anger I've been holding inside for some time now. Although I realize how lucky I am to be alive. I think from time to time, because of human nature, I forget those hard times and revert to being weak minded and fret over the little things, that in all actuality are very unimportant, to say the least.

A little history on me so that the previous statement makes a little more sense.

I was born at the height of a civil war. In retrospect that is very much and oxymoron because it was as from civil as one could get. Either way my birth was, let me repeat the key word, during WAR. I came a couple months early and in the midst of battle, my mother and father were escorted to the hospital where I was to be born by armed men. From my birth up until the age of about 2 and half years old, I lived in a country plagued with war and the evil that takes over a people when the death around them becomes as common as the cold or flu. In other words no escaping it, because the hate just spreads.

My father made what I think was the best decision of his life. At the tender age of 23, he put his life aside and along with my mother decided that my brother and I deserved a better life. So my father and mother who would have probably survived the war, with no regard for their life headed north to the land of opportunity, where they knew they themselves would be second class citizens so that their two boys would not have to. Something I don't think I could ever thank them enough for.

to be continued......